ATTN: “You look great! Have you lost weight?” is not a compliment. I know it has been the go-to praise-route towards many women since the inception of puberty, but I’d like to put an end to it. Why do I hear this like a broken record every holiday?

Some alternatives:

• You look great! How are your new jobs going?
• You look great! How is your blog doing?
• You look great! Things seem to be going really well for you lately.
• You look great! You’ve been smiling all weekend.
• You look great! I love your dress/hair/shoes/demeanor.
• You look great! You seem really happy.
• You look great! (Period).

I don’t know who started the rumor that “Have you lost weight?” is just about the goddamn nicest thing you can say to a (fat) woman. Let me assure you: it’s not. I haven’t done anything right or wrong or good or bad for appearing to weigh less than the last time you saw me. Don’t congratulate me.

Use your head. Or, at the very least, be more creative with your compliments